When I was young my worst fear was that I would become a nun. Actually, my worst was spiders (and still is) and the second was being a nun. I felt really guilty about this. I was always told that you had to do what God wanted you to do, even if it wasn't something you thought you wanted. Even as a seven year old, I took that to heart. I started feeling guilty that I didn't want to be a nun and I thought maybe God would erase the plan he had for me and pencil in "nun" just because I was so against it. One day, I couldn't take the guilt anymore (I never could. Once I said "bad words"--probably "shut up"-- under my blankets so no one would hear and had to confess immediately). I still confess things right away (once I tried to trick Tom into eating vegetarian "chicken" and I confessed before he even tried it; he liked it). Where was I? Right, confessing that I didn't want to be a nun.
In complete seriousness, at seven years old, I sat my mom down in my bedroom and told her my fear. I told her that I wanted to wear makeup and pretty clothes and do my hair. I also told her I didn't like the shoes that the nuns wore (I have an uncle who is a monk--cool, right? It is, and recently before this whole ordeal took place we had met a few nuns with said shoes). Shallow? Of course, but I was 7 so let's forgive it, shall we?
I remember a faint smirk on her face, she quickly hid it and told me I didn't need to worry. That God wouldn't force me to do something that wasn't "me." And then she let me in on a little secret: you have to be catholic to be a nun (this is not entirely accurate, but for the sake of the story, let's go with it, 7-year-old Amy wouldn't have sat still for the nitty gritty). I was free! For the first time in my life I was ecstatic not to be catholic (all of my best friends were catholic and I always wanted to be catholic too. So bad. So bad that I went to CCD for fun a few times. I think it all started with the first communion dresses. I was pissed I didn't get to wear one.)
You do not know the joy I felt when I realized I was not "doomed" to the nunnery. One of the best days of my life. Right behind marrying Tom and having Carter; both of which I could have never done had I become a nun. Thank God!
