Now this is the story all about how my life got flip-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the wife of a guy named Thom-as.
This one time at band camp Tom and Amy were about to swap phone numbers when it was time to leave. They tried desperately to shout their numbers to one another before boarding their respective buses, but they had a problem. They had just shared a bag of pretzels and it was getting harder and harder to yell.
"These pretzels are making me thirsty!" Tom yelled, as the counselor pulled him up to the first stair of the vehicle.
"Baby, baby, baby, nooooo!" Amy shrieked back as she saw the doors close over Tom's tear-streaked face. "I thought you'd always be mine!"
In the criminal justice system premature separations from summer camp are considered especially heinous. Just 24 hours previous Amy had laid eyes on Tom for the first time. It was minutes before the Sadie Hawkins dance. Tom was wearing khaki pants. She had a weakness for khaki pants, especially the pleated ones.
He was also in the middle of a boxing match (yes, in his khaki pants). While she looked on in a dream-like state, she almost got caught in the crossfire. Tom was boxing another camper, Kramer, in the ring--the one ring to rule them all.
His six-fingered fist was pulled back like an arrow and he was about to release it as he shouted at Kramer, "My name is Tom Inigo Montoya, you scratched my CD, prepare to die!"
Amy ducked, Kramer squealed, Tom moved swiftly; he was about to send Kramer into next week when Amy couldn't bear it anymore. "Stop!" Amy shouted, "I volunteer as tribute!" Amy climbed into the ring and shook as she stared into Tom's huuunnngryyy eyes.
Tom's fists dropped to his side, he stood there for a minute, silent, as the invitation to the dance rolled off her tongue, "Hello. I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
"You had me at hello," Tom said as he literally swept Amy off her feet. He set her down outside of the boxing ring, "Would you be my girlfriend? I'd treat you good. You know I hear your friends when they say you should."
Amy accepted, held his hand and said "Your hands are cold."
Tom replied, "Now we're the same temperature."
*A big thank you to Fresh Prince, American Pie, Seinfled, Justin Bieber, Pat Benatar, Lord of the Rings, Princess Bride, Eric Carmen, Notting Hill, Relient K, Jerry Maguire, The Ringer, The Hunger Games, *NSYNC, Pride & Prejudice and Twilight for the above references. Also thank you sister for supporting me through the duration of this post.